Five Stages of
by OMGimprocrastinating
Summary: Like HFS, Jenko experiences 5 things in his relationship with Zack. EDITED - compiled into a one-shot


"No sexual relationships with teachers or students, sir!"

"That's you, man."

"Wh-Why-"

"Keep that dirty dick in your pants. Don't fuck no students. Don't fuck no teachers-"

Jenko didn't know why the captain singled him out. It wasn't like he'd go around flirting with know-it-all teens and teachers with delusions of authority. Sure, maybe, he'd probably have to beat them off with a stick, knowing how often his mug got him some tail while in high-school and all through the police academy but he'd place his bets on Burns being the one to be the first to break rule no 2 on her first week of undercover. Three weeks, tops. It's always the kiss-ass teacher's pet people have to watch for.

As it turned out, one day in the job, he has already being made a social outcast while Schmidt was rubbing elbows with the cool kids in school. Telling himself that it didn't matter any, he left Schmidt to his new friends while he himself went to the labs to see if could find any clues on the HFS supplier and quickly close the case so he and Schmidt can rub it in Fugazy & Jr Jr's stuck-up faces.

In the labs, the nerd squad were in and he didn't register the dismantled phones until Zack started talking about atoms and electrons which flew over his head in favour of seeing a possible way to crack the case.

When Jenko asked him about it, Zack just winked at him in what the kid thought was sneaky but looked more like nervous twitch than anything.

If Jenko wasn't busy trying to get a straight answer from the nerd, he'd be thinking how adorable Zack looked, but right now he was damn frustrated.

Zack winked at him again, the twinkle in his blue eyes bright under the ginger curls which flopped over his forehead.

Jenko groaned and slapped his hand over his eyes, inwardly growling about stupid, fucking, cute, annoying, nerdy-

* * *

**1. The Giggs**

The party was suddenly ground to a halt when Schmidt's parents arrived at the house without warning and Schmidt's mom started screaming at the riotous teenagers to get the fuck out of her house.

Jenko saw Schmidt being dragged out of the house by Eric and without thought he grabbed the nearest body from the nerd squad and hauled it over his shoulder, following the helter and skelter of bodies that were running away from Annie Schmidt's wrath.

Everyone was running towards the front door and Jenko knew he couldn't get through the press of bodies trying to squeeze through the narrow exit without bringing attention to himself and risking Schmidt's mom making a grab at him so he headed towards the closet underneath the stairs, twisted the knob to open the door and ducked in, bringing his carry-on with him inside and shutting the door firmly behind them.

In the darkness, he could hear Schmidt's mom still screaming profanities above the panicked cries of the high-schoolers. The body on his lap started to giggle.

"Wh-where's the party, man?" Zack said, slurring, his breath rank with weed and alcohol against Jenko's cheek.

"Shut up!" Jenko hissed pushing Zack's face away, making the boy giggle harder.

"Shit," Zack groaned, wriggling on Jenko's lap, "We didn't get to party with any bitches, Brad. Where are the bitches!?"

"Shut the fuck up, you dick head!" Jenko hissed again, clamping a hand over Zack's mouth. "Ain't no bitches gonna fuck you, much less suck your dick since its not gonna be there coz I beat it off coz you won't SHUT UP!"

Zack blinked before pushing Jenko's hand down to ask in awe. "You gonna beat my dick off?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna - wait, no! I meant-"

"Suck it then?" Zack pressed.

"No, you lil perv!"

"Oh." Zack's brows scrunched. "Do you want _me_ to suck _your_ dick?"

"What- what are you-"

"Coz I totally can," the teen said seriously, "I haven't done it before but I can try coz you're totally cool and kinda cute. And, man, I'm so horny right now-"

"Shit." Jenko growled. "You kids really this easy? Hey! Hands off!"

The two scrambled in the confined space but Zack somehow managed to wiggle his way down, bending his body easily so that he could duck his head down to Jenko's crotch while the cop tried hard to grab a hold of the boy's clothes to pull him up but only managed to stretch the material of Zack's shirt up.

Jenko didn't know how Zack managed because suddenly he heard the zipper of his jeans being pulled down before the senior highschooler pulled Jenko's cock out of his briefs exposing his semi-hard organ to the stale air of the closet. Jenko gave a muffled gasp when a warm, wet mouth engulfed it clumsily.

"Holy shit! Fuck me!"

An amused snort came from Zack before the boy released Jenko's cock to giggle and say in a sly tone. "Maybe next time," he said, before ducking down again to continue his sloppy but enthusiastic blowjob.

Jenko gasped. "Shit, Shit. Y-You sure you're 18. Not brought forward or-or anything?"

Zack merely giggled again even with his mouth stuffed with Jenko's dick and the vibration made the cop moan.

Jenko was probably more drunk on cheap alcohol and high on stolen weed than he thought because all he could do was grab at those red curls and start to slowly fuck that sweet, sweet mouth while thinking _God Damn, thank Fucking God for 18-year old's horny highschoolers._

* * *

**2. Tripping Major Ballsack**

When the nerd squad suggested that they test various chemicals and see which ones blows up, Jenko only followed just because he didn't see the point in expediting the wire tap to Eric's phone. He felt so dejected that nothing short of seeing Fugazy's boobs could cheer him up.

However, after a series of mini explosions that probably will permanantly flatten the grass of the area of the school's weather station, Jenko's could feel adrenaline rushing through his body that reminded him so much of his first arrest before the DA pulled it out from under him because he couldn't be assed to memorize the Miranda rights.

After the seventh explosion, which was actually more of a fiery combustion than not, Jenko whooped and grabbed Zack in a hug, swinging him around like a rag doll.

"I didn't know Potassium nitrate is so awesome!"

Zack laughed delightedly as he looked up at Jenko with those bright eyes and a giddy grin. Jenko must be tripping from the fumes because the boy looked ridiculously beautiful under the light of the afternoon sun.

"Hey, do you want to know what else is awesome?" Zack said, his hands coming up to wind their way to the back of Jenko's neck, "That adrenalin rush is one of natures best aphrodisiac."

"Uh" was all Jenko could say as Zack began nipping at any skin he could reach while humping Jenko's leg, the boy's slender legs wrapped around his own.

It was a good thing Delroy and Roman has already left after the fifth explosion because he'd probably have to kill those two Dark Vadar style just to keep their mouth shut. Especially when's he's already dragging Zack to the weather station's shack before he does something he'd regret doing out in the open.

Potassium nitrate is so _fucking great_.

**3. Over Falsity of Confidence**

"So, what do you think?"

Zack stared at the white limousine before turning his attention back at the tall young man standing by the door of the car and grinning at him ear to ear.

"Are you serious?" Zack demanded, walking up to Jenko. "we're seriously going to the prom?"

"Hell, yeah," Jenko said smugly, "I also got us dates & some doves."

"Dates... as in... dried fruit...?"

"What? No! Dates! Women, yo!"

"And... really, doves?"

"Oh yeah. Doves, baby. It's gonna be bad-ass!"

Zack nodded uncertainly. "One thing though... why did you bring the limo here? The prom doesn't start in ten hours."

Jenko shrugged. "The limo's rented for 24 hours. We might as well make full use of it."

Zack arched his eyebrows. "Oh? We?"

"Yeah, I mean-"

"Huh." Zack harumped, walking along the side of the limo to run his fingers on the smooth white finish. The teen was increasing the distance between them that Jenko suddenly started to feel a little unsure, "I thought that we.. Ummm..."

"You're so confident that I'll be making out with you at the back of the limo?" Zack said, walking back to Jenko and when he was close, the cop nearly jumped when he suddenly felt something on his crotch. When he looked down, he saw Zack's fingers run across the seam of the front of his skinny jeans.

Jenko looked up again and Zack's lips were lifted in a smirk, the boy making a purring sound that Jenko knew Zack only made when thinking about sex.

"Uh..." seems to be the only thing Jenko is capable of making when he's being wrong-footed by cute, slutty senior high-schoolers.

Zack lifted himself up on his toes to say lowly in Jenko's ear, "Open the door, Brad. Let's see how confident you are at the backseat of a limo."

Jenko's finger scrambled at the door handle of the car and wrenched it open before quickly jumping inside the limo with Zack following behind. The car was barely out on the street before thumps started coming out from the backseat and the rocking began in earnest five minutes later.

* * *

**4. Fuck Yeah Motherfucker**

"You are under arrest! You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can or may be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to have an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. Do you understand these right as I have explained them to you!? Fuck you!"

It was such a rush when he was able to finish reading the miranda rights to the suspect's face without fucking it up. Schmidt did help but it only made the whole thing sweeter having his partner there with him in his first proper arrest as an undercover cop. His tux was ruined and his hand hurts like shit but he's never felt like a rock-star than he ever felt at that moment.

There were police cars everywhere, ME vans interspersed between them and two firetrucks being used to fight the blazes from the car crashes brought upon by their chase. Ten steps away, Schmidt was still hovering over Molly and Jenko looked around before spotting Zack being mauled against one of the department's cars parked the furthest, by one of the prostitutes he hired for the prom. It was a good thing everyone from the force was too busy to see them or he'd have to bail both of them out for public indecendy especially with the way the woman was deftly about to take the boy's clothes off.

Jenko huffed and walked up to them and when he reached them, he spoke up, "Hey Cinnamon! You know you can't be messin' on police cars. Especially with some highschoolers."

The redheaded woman picked herself off of Zack as she licked her lipstick-smudged lips. "Hmmm.. yeah. You gonna be the one messin' with him, Jenko?"

Jenko gave Cinnamon a smile, all teeth, and as soon as the redhead gave way, the cop pulled Zack up by the lapels of his jacket and gave him a deep and bruising kiss.

When he released the boy, Zack grinned at him and said breathlessly, "You not gonna get in trouble yourself for kissing highschool boys on top of police cars? Brad?"

"Fuck trouble. I just closed a major drug-dealing operation and made my first by-the-book arrest. Besides, I got enough trouble right here," Jenko drawled, pushing their crotches together, making Zack gasp. "And the name's Greg."

Zack panted. "Wanna get outta here, Greg?"

Jenko smirked. "Hell yeah."

* * *

**5. Asleepiness**

An hour after Jenko brought Zack to his apartment and proceeded to rock Zack's world (and vice versa), Zack lay on top of Jenko, both sweaty and sated.

Zack trailed his fingers lazily across Jenko's clavicle, while the cop's fingers played with the other's curls.

Zack sighed. "So, you're a cop, huh?"

Jenko stretched, nearly dislodging Zack from his firm perch. "Yup."

"That's so hot," Zack said, "Too bad I can't brag about it to the guys."

Jenko made a deep rumbling sound from his throat that seemed to vibrate across the skin and reaching Zack's palm which was resting on the Jenko's chest.

"Up for some more?" Jenko offered, his voice husky due to lethargy and a persistent mix of arousal.

"Gimme fifteen minutes... we'll just... take a rest, first..." Zack said, sounding slurred and drowsy even as he wriggled busily to snuggle more comfortably against Jenko's body.

"Mmmm..." Jenko mumbled in agreement, placing a clumsy kiss on Zack's forhead before joining the teen sucumbing into unconciousness.

* * *

Their second undercover assignment took two months more than their first one. Who knew even when doped & drunk out of their minds, the college kids still kept a healthy dose of distrust. He sure missed the naivette of highschoolers.

As soon as they managed to shut down a high-class prostitution ring managed by the head of the chastity club, no less, Captain Dickson pointed them towards another college in the county where there has been suspicious disappearances of students connected to the one of the supposedly secret societies in the school. Jenko was easily shuffled into the basketball team and Schmidt into the debate team where one of the suspects was in.

Jenko was inside his and Schmidt's dorm room, busy unpacking his things, when the door to the room opened and Schmidt walked in with a scowl on his face.

"Hey, look who's here," Schmidt said, pointing behind him.

Jenko looked over and saw the red curls first before he recognised the bright blue eyes and cheeky grin.

"Hey," Zack said, one of his hands shoved inside his cargo pants while the other lifted to give Jenko a short wave. "In college now? Some hanky panky going on?"

Zack did that winking thing again, making Jenko wince.

"Yeah," Jenko said and it was like they've never not seen each other for three months because Jenko and Zack were already hugging and giving each other eskimo kisses and little pecks on the lips before Schmidt was able to blink.

"Fuck," Schmidt grumped. "This is really gonna end well. The basketball jock and the nerd from chem club? Not! C'mon! And hello, you're both guys! Not really a good way to be undercover unless, you know, there's some closet-cased gay killer out there and well... we need to infiltrate the LGBT club-"

Jenko shook his head, trying to follow Schmidt's meandering thought process."What.. what're you-"

"I'm just sayin-" Schmidt said, reluctantly, "If I have to suck cock, I'd do it... but since you and Zack are here, I figure you guys could handle that aspect of the job when necessary-"

Zack blinked in befuddlement before he managed to regain his thoughts to point to the matter at hand. "You're just pissed off because Molly dissed you just now at the quad."

"Molly's here, too?" Jenko asked, turning properly to see Schmidt looking morose, while still keeping an arm around Zack's shoulder and tucking the redhead against his chest.

Schmidt sighed. "Yeah. She said she doesn't want a repeat of the Peter Pan fiasco and that she's hoping to be scouted in one of the college's stage production. Said she doesn't want to know about any dealings with pinatas of any kinds anymore."

Zack's eyebrows furrowed. "Is that code for sex?"

Schmidt sputtered. "What? No!"

"Oh, Oh!" Zack said before turning to Jenko to say in a hushed voice, "Well, it'll be easy to get a pinata..." a wink "...since I'm already rooming next door to you guys in, oh, about 5 hours from now."

"Pinata isn't..." Jenko gave up and asked instead "You've just moved? That's convenient."

"I will be. The college's accomodation systems database is kinda old and the backdoor can easily be seen two levels in."

"You mean you can hack into the systems and control the rooming schedules? Sweet!" exclaimed Schmidt. "That way we can also find out which dorm buildings our suspects are in without too much legwork!"

"Oh, I don't think I can do that..." a series of winks.

Jenko grinned. "Alright! We've got ourselves a hacker!" he said. Then he lifted his hands and brushed his palms over Zack's eyes and face, muffling Zack's sound of query. "Stop... don't, don't do that anymore, babe. Seriously. Stop."

**-end**


End file.
